This blog is in response to the question Boyd K. Packer posed after he rejected the idea that same-sex attraction is born in homosexuals. "Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?" After reading this the first thing that popped into my head was "Why wouldn't he?". I guess thats what it comes down to in my head.
I was raised in the Mormon church and yet since I can remember, I can honestly say, I have always been attracted to the same sex. It wasn't some choice I made. Its just always how I have felt. So I guess some would say maybe the parent failed in their duties to make sure I was on the right path. My mother was a single parent raising me and I believe she did a good job with the situation we were given. She gave me unconditional love. Others might say it was the environment I was raised in. Well I was raised in a predominately white Mormon community in Idaho. If there was ever an environment that should breed straight people, you would think that would be the environment to choose. Yes, I did hang around a lot of non-Mormon people, but that was because not a lot of Mormon kids my age were friends with me. I was a poor fat white child who was constantly picked on by my peers, so of course I was friends with the people that accepted me. Yet there is nothing about that either that should have influenced me to be gay. This happens to kids all around the country straight or gay.
Until I was in my early twenties, I had not even met another person that I knew for sure was gay. I had always felt like I was alone in my feeling towards the same sex until that point. I remember asking myself constantly "Why do I feel this way?" At the time it greatly upset me. I felt I had to play a "straight role" so that I wouldn't be picked on more than I already was, especially in Junior High and High School. (I apparently failed at this though hehehe) I remember praying to God that he would help me feel differently. I just wanted to be what I thought was normal at the time. If it was truly a choice I should have been able to just switch back. I even wanted to go on a Mormon mission because I believed being surrounded by God's teachings twenty four hours a day would help me change myself. It didn't.
Finally I moved to a town in Idaho where there was actually a bit of a gay community and found that I was in a place where I felt I was accepted. I finally realized that this is just how I was. I had tried for literally years being what the people in the Mormon church wanted me to be. I was miserable and unhappy. I had low self esteem. Yet when I found others who felt the way I did, all that changed. Other than my mother's love, I have never felt such strength and support than I did when I came out in this community. I never had as many friends as I do now. Friends that show me unconditional love. They don't judge me because of my weight or my sexual orientation, or expect me to be something that I am not.
So to answer Boyd K Packer's question I say this. Children are born every day and some children are born with certain obstacles. Obstacles that may carry over into adulthood and they have to struggle with on a daily basis whether they be mental or physical. So why not be born with a predisposition towards a same sex orientation? Why would Heavenly Father allow someone to be born with cerebral palsy? Why would Heavenly Father allow someone to be born with learning problems? I do believe in God and I do believe he would do this to test us. Not only the people who are born gay, but to test those people around them. I believe he loves all of us, but he never wanted us to have it easy here on Earth. If he did he would have gone with Lucifer's plan and we wouldn't have free agency.
Now I can hear some people say "Well Heavenly Father wouldn't do something to us that is inherently evil." Being attracted to the same-sex is not evil. How we conduct our lives because of that is our own doing, whether it be good or evil. Using the Ten Commandments as a guide. I have violated a couple of the commandments. One being adultery, the other the lord's name in vain. Lets face it, there are straight people violating the same commandments as me and way more frequently. There is no eleventh commandment where it says "You shall not be homosexual in nature." Also In John 3:16 it says that God so loved the world that whosoever believes in his only begotten son shall not perish but have everlasting life. It doesnt say "...except for the homosexuals."
All anti-gay scriptures talk about man lying down with man being a perversion. Yet what context was this given in? In generally the same place in the bible, if not in the same line of scripture, it talks about prostitution being immoral and a perversion. How come then doesn't the Mormon church rail against prostitutes getting married or that are married and still keeping up the practice? Is the fact that female prostitutes predominately have male-female relations, make it more acceptable? When is the last time you heard about a speaker at General Conference devoting his talk to the sins of prostitution? What it comes down to, according to the Bible, is adultery. I guarantee that there are gay Christians who would love to not be violating this commandment if they could be married. You may even find that there are those who would wait until after they are married to have sex, if they could. Unfortunately there is no option to see if this theory is correct....currently.
As it is, I have yet to find a scripture where it is said that it a sin to have an attraction to the same sex. People are going to have "impure" thoughts and feelings whether they be straight or gay. What they choose to do with those thoughts is really what matters. As far as Boyd K. Packer saying same sex attraction is "unnatural"...well all I can say is that he better have a look at the what is being taught at BYU-Idaho. When I was going to that school,(at the time it was Ricks College) we were taught in one of my biology classes, that given certain circumstances, some species of animals will turn to homosexuality in cases of over population to control their numbers, or in the absence of the opposite sex in the population, share genetic material with a same sex member to reproduce. So then what is homosexuality? Natural or unnatural. You have to say natural because there are hundreds of species of animals that are documented to have homosexual tendencies (meaning not just sexual encounters but affection and partnership with members of the same sex). You also have to say it is born in them because they do not have our cognitive ability to say that animals choose to do it. Its their bred in instict. If they weren't born with the instinct you simply wouldn't see it. Can you imagine someone saying that animals were sinning because they chose to do it? Nope. The idea of an animal hell is ridiculous, if not also humorous.
God loves us. God wants to test us. There are no limits on how he is going to test us. When Boyd K Packer asked "Why would our Heavenly Father do that to anyone?", to me, he implied that God wouldn't, and that puts a limit on how God would choose to test us. That is not his right to do. We do not know, and in a lot of cases are not supposed to know, why and what God has in store for us. That is for us to figure out individually.
So what is a gay person, who believes in God, supposed to do? For me, I try and keep as many of the Ten Commandments as possible. I falter and sin just as straight people do. I try to live my life as a good, charitable person who tries to show unconditional, "Christ-like" love to everyone. Even though I do not agree with what some people say about the glbt community, including Boyd K Packer and the Mormon Church, I do not hate them for saying it. Sure, I feel disappointed, but I believe that there is a lack of understanding on their part perhaps. Whether that is because they do not want to understand or have not had the opportunity to, I do not know. However if they actually took the time to speak with some of the gay community that grew up in the Mormon church, I feel they would find most, if not all, of us have felt this way as long as we can remember and that there was no conscious decision to be gay.
In light of all the recent gay teen suicides, I would hope that at least religious leaders would feel compassion and try to see what can be done to help teens who have always felt the way they do about their sexuality. Churches should be showing unconditional love instead of making people feel that they are evil and horrible. You would think, given Mormon history, that they would understand what it is like to have people not understand just who you are and how you feel. If I was given a choice to be gay or straight, back when I was going through puberty, I might have chosen to be straight. I would have avoided all the personal turmoil I went through. I wouldn't have felt so alone and cried so much because, at the time, I felt like I was some hideous being because I was different. I certainly didn't choose to be this way. Who would choose to be picked on, hated, and made to feel less of a human being because of who they were attracted to?
I am glad I have accepted who I am now though. I am a much stronger person because of what I have gone through. I have a lot of compassion towards people in general and I don't generally judge people because of what they are. My only wish is that people would soften their hearts and not let fear and hate cloud their judgement of people who are different from themselves. This wish is not only for people who are "anti-gay" but also for the GLBT community as well. I have read the backlash and get a sense of resentment and hate directed back at Packer and the Mormon church. Unfortunately, it seems to be an ugly cycle back and forth. If you want someone to understand you and support you, you don't attack them for what they say or believe. What you should do is show by example. Show that you are compassionate and understanding and you will get it in return. If you don't get those things back, then you let it go, because trying for force someone else into understanding those things will only lead to hardened hearts and resentment.
I would like to take a moment to say my heart goes out to the friends and family of those gay teens who have committed suicide. I understand the loneliness and despair. Life as a gay person is rough. My advice to those who are struggling is to find help. Many communities have glbt organizations who are willing to give you the help and support you need. Don't forget to return the help when you are able to. In time you will find that you have many friends who love you and accept you for who you are.
I love my straight, gay, lesbian, bi, and transgender friends in the community. They have shown me a great deal of love and have helped me out when times were tough. I wouldn't trade these friends for the world. I truly believe that my friends are the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
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