Vampires that SPARKLE!!!!!! Nuh uh.

I haven't read the Twilight books yet. Mormon authors tend to freak me out a bit. I have failed to ask any of my Mormon relatives if any of the books can be found in Deseret Bookstores. I kinda doubt it. I have, in fact, watched the movie. Male brooding dark vampire. Original. Girl who falls in love with vampire. Very Original. Distant and seemingly un-attentive parents. So original I can't stand it. Idiotic name for the town....Forks...ranks up there with Sunnydale.

So I guess there is nothing new here. I can deal with all this because A) The guys in the movie are EFFIN HAWT...although a couple are probably not legal. B) Its not like ...Rawr slash and feed.. so its got a plot line of sorts. I like that the action isn't the total focus of the movie. C) Its at least a different perspective on vampires. So here is what I can't handle.

First feeding on animals instead of humans is not like being a vegetarian. Sorry I am sure PETA would agree. Besides the fact that it still means you are still fundamentally a carnivore. I am sure a lion ((which omg the biblical reference is amazing in this movie and story)) doesnt consider feeding on a gazelle instead of a human vegetarian like, or vice versa. The fact Edward even compares it to being a vegetarian irks me so strongly that I want to hurt something. Next I come to the part I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE about Twilight Vampires. VAMPIRES SHOULD NEVER SPARKLE. Leave that to the Drag Queens, cheerleaders and Disco balls. Its like having DayGlo colored Zombies and Werewolves that take the form of poodles. It just doesn't happen. I can handle a "daywalker" as in Blade but there was at least a reason for it. ((Sometime though I will rant about the use of silver in that movie)) I like my vampires to explode into flames when they hit sunlight. They are the science fictional Damned. Their whole reason for being is to strike fear into the hearts of mortals. Instead these vampires make you wanna break out Abba when sunlight touches their skin. It doesn't serve a purpose. I know people could argue that but I mean.. Why? Every other aspect of them being vampires in the movie serves a predatory function except the sparkling. Man its JUST TOO GAY, EVEN FOR ME!!!! If in some fucked up alternate universe Sparkly Vampires did exist it would just make me want to hunt them down and make a shiny sparkly flesh coat out of their skin. Silence of the Lambs eat your heart out....wait.......