Videos That Make Me Dance -Ricki Lee "Can't Touch It"

I stumbled across this video and love the beat. Its a sassy little song and the girl who sings it can wail.

Vampires that SPARKLE!!!!!! Nuh uh.

I haven't read the Twilight books yet. Mormon authors tend to freak me out a bit. I have failed to ask any of my Mormon relatives if any of the books can be found in Deseret Bookstores. I kinda doubt it. I have, in fact, watched the movie. Male brooding dark vampire. Original. Girl who falls in love with vampire. Very Original. Distant and seemingly un-attentive parents. So original I can't stand it. Idiotic name for the town....Forks...ranks up there with Sunnydale.

So I guess there is nothing new here. I can deal with all this because A) The guys in the movie are EFFIN HAWT...although a couple are probably not legal. B) Its not like ...Rawr slash and feed.. so its got a plot line of sorts. I like that the action isn't the total focus of the movie. C) Its at least a different perspective on vampires. So here is what I can't handle.

First feeding on animals instead of humans is not like being a vegetarian. Sorry I am sure PETA would agree. Besides the fact that it still means you are still fundamentally a carnivore. I am sure a lion ((which omg the biblical reference is amazing in this movie and story)) doesnt consider feeding on a gazelle instead of a human vegetarian like, or vice versa. The fact Edward even compares it to being a vegetarian irks me so strongly that I want to hurt something. Next I come to the part I REALLY REALLY REALLY HATE about Twilight Vampires. VAMPIRES SHOULD NEVER SPARKLE. Leave that to the Drag Queens, cheerleaders and Disco balls. Its like having DayGlo colored Zombies and Werewolves that take the form of poodles. It just doesn't happen. I can handle a "daywalker" as in Blade but there was at least a reason for it. ((Sometime though I will rant about the use of silver in that movie)) I like my vampires to explode into flames when they hit sunlight. They are the science fictional Damned. Their whole reason for being is to strike fear into the hearts of mortals. Instead these vampires make you wanna break out Abba when sunlight touches their skin. It doesn't serve a purpose. I know people could argue that but I mean.. Why? Every other aspect of them being vampires in the movie serves a predatory function except the sparkling. Man its JUST TOO GAY, EVEN FOR ME!!!! If in some fucked up alternate universe Sparkly Vampires did exist it would just make me want to hunt them down and make a shiny sparkly flesh coat out of their skin. Silence of the Lambs eat your heart out....wait.......

In Memory of Michael Jackson

So usually I hate to follow along in the trends of the moment and no doubt there are a few hundred thousand memorial blogs for Michael if not millions. I usually wait til everything dies down before writing out my feelings. However this is not one of those times and if my mom was alive she would be bugging me to do one. Not to mention making her a cd of MJ's music. No doubt had my mom been alive she would have been at the start of a week long cry-fest. My Mom was truly a super fan. I think we personally bought at least five Thriller cassettes because me and my mom wore them out so fast. She always thought Michael was so mistreated as a child and even through his weirdness and accusations she loved him. Of course my mom knew what unconditional love really is. If my mom could have changed his childhood to make it happier and have shielded him from all the things that caused him pain she would have. She didn't care if the child abuse accusations were true. She always said you can't stop loving someone because they have sinned and messed up. Thats all the more reason to help them and love them. She taught me to love someone truly is to accept them for all their faults and mistakes. She would always say 'Hate the sin not the sinner'. Love doesnt judge or make conditions. From what I can tell mom loved Michael way before she had me.

I still have 8 tracks of the early Jackson 5 albums that it looks like my mom put a lot of use to. My grandparents never had any motown-esque music. It was all religious music but I dont even think they had records in their house before my mom and I moved back in with them when grandma got sick with breast cancer. I remember my grandpa liking country as I got older but he never liked me playing Michael Jackson. I think it was a sign of the times and maybe my grandparents attitudes towards minorities. I am glad I had a progressive mom though. Idaho is predominantly Caucasian. In the 60's my mom was dating my father, who was hispanic, after she found an apartment of her own. I can tell by her records, 8tracks and cassettes this is when her music library started. Its full of all types of music. Rock, Motown, Rythmn and Blues, Pop, Country.....its weird to me that she has Pink Floyd. Anyway so she was very progressive for the area she lived in and the times. I am glad she was that way though. It must have been hard for her. My grandma apparently had voiced her displeasure for my mom's choice of boyfriend, music and getting pregnant with me out of wedlock. Mom said Grandma journaled about me, the half white childe, but she never went into detail to "sheild me" she said. It makes me sad that my mom had to put up with this from my grandma. I figure my grandparents were a bit racist. I am glad my mom was able to teach me otherwise, especially through music.

The Thriller album is the first music cassette I ever owned. The Thriller video is the first music video I had nightmares over =P. I remember singing Human Nature, Billie Jean and PYT with my mom as we did dishes, or laundry, or lots of chores. Then my mom would attempt to dance.....oy. My mom had double bubble JLO booty back in the day...not to mention a rack she had to special order bras for.....so you can imagine my embarrassment over her dancing. Occassionally though she would just grab my arms and we would just swing around to the music of that album. Ok I have to stop its making me cry a bit. Its like a little more of my past died again when Michael died. I still have his music though. I will always cherish the good times I had with my mother listening to his music. Mom if you read this...take care of Michael in heaven....that is if you dont scare him with a high pitched scream and run at him with your immense rack in an attempt to hug him. Love Ya Mom and MJ.. RIP

Songs That Make Me Remember. Michael Jackson -"Human Nature"

Ok so here is my favorite Michael Jackson song. See above for my MJ memorial blog.

Videos That Make Me Dance -Kat DeLuna "Calling You"

Love this song, it makes me chair dance when I am playing around on my computer. She has an amazing voice and its a catchy song I love to sing along with.

Oh What A Beautiful Morning!!!! Ow Pain!!!

So ok. I thought to myself this morning... "Shaquita..(that is what I call myself)... it is a wonderful sunny morning you need to go pay a bill and the Cable One office is just around the corner...you should get your fat ass up and walk over and pay your bill!" I was all invigorated with pep and vigor, so at 7:45am I put on my cross trainers, did a few stretches and started on my trek to pay my bill. I walked through the complex hit the side walk and the birds were chirping the air was nice and crisp, the sun kissed my skin as I heel toe'd it around the corner and I could see the Cable One sign. I was all YES! I can exercise..look at me I am getting healthy. It was this instant that my back said "Bitch what the fuck do you think you are doing?" My knee proclaimed "Bitch you are one crazy mofo!" I hit what marathon runners call "the wall". I could still see my house from where I was and became a bit discouraged.

I sat on the decorative wall that surrounds the HOA and thought there is no way in hell I am gonna get there and back. Then a little voice inside me said "You have to go. They turned your service off this morning you can make it!". I stood up and marched my way through pain and self doubt down the side walk and made it to the Cable One office. I turned around and raised my hands like Rocky proclaiming victory after he ran up those stairs. I didn't dare bounce up and down though for fear my man boobs would knock me out. Apollo Creed has nothing on my moobs. I turned back around and faced the door and went to pull it open AND............. LOCKED!!!!!! Ain't life a bitch. It was in fact 8am according to the bank sign across the street, however I neglected to find out that they didn't open until 8:30am.

I still had a surge of happiness that I had accomplished half my goal. So I sat down in front of Cable One and waited. Of course my next action was to smoke, I mean I like fresh air and all but come on my knee and back were angry with me. Nothing a little nicotine couldn't fix. So I sat and waited until they opened. Half an hour later a nice lady opened the door and let em in. The lady, I paid my bill to, asked me where my car was. I said I didn't have a car. Then she was polite enough to say "Well if you would like to wait for your ride there is a seat over there." I had a moment where I could have punched her, but I shrugged it off and proclaimed, "I didn't get a ride over, I walked." with a beaming smile. The stank ass bitch looked me up and down and had the nerve to say "Oh" in a tone that said, "Without a doctors approval or anything, fatass?". I ignored this. No one could take this sense of accomplishment away from me.

I took my receipt and headed out the door and began the march back home. I was so proud that it filled me with enough energy to get all the way back to the complex and back into the carport area. It was then I hit the second "wall" as I saw the gate to my back patio. My back said "Bitch I am DONE WITH YOU!" and my knee said "Ditto!". I hobbled those last few yards and trudged into my house and vowed that I wasn't gonna do that every month. I did also vow though to go for short walks around the complex, in the early morning and evening, to build up some endurance. Right now, I am sitting and listening to my body scream but it actually feels good. I am glad that I did it even though my body isn't. It makes me think I can do anything I put my mind to if I want to bad enough. I just gotta make a habit of wanting to do more and being less lazy. Now for some breakfast!!!!

Strip Show @ Charley's

A slide show of the fun night I had with my friends at Club Charley's in Pocatello

Pics That Make Me Laugh -Engrishfunny.com "Collection"

see more Engrish

I should get this shirt. I kinda feel that way about this blog. Its gonna end up this weird eccentric mish mosh of crap. Oh well as long as it makes me laugh right?

Videos That Make Me Dance -Rudenko "Everybody"

Love this song. I swear that guy in the chair is Chris from Charmed and from Army Wives. Either way I saw this video after me and my friend Amanda went to see male strippers at the local gay bar and I have been addicted it every since. Brings out the inner stripper. =P

Introduction

So whats with the crazy name for my blog? Well it is a nod to a book by Erma Bombeck called "If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing In The Pits?" As I am getting older I realize that life isn't all its cracked up to be. I am in my early thirties. I am a single gay man. I am fat and have mobility and health issues due to a car accident in 2002. My nearest relative lives over fifty miles away from me. I recently lost my mother and my life is basically in shambles. I have had a series of life changing events since I was in kindergarten. Some good. Mostly bad. Do I want you to feel sorry for me? No way. This is the card I was dealt. Yes, I tend to hide my emotions. I have perfected the art of laughing and smiling on the outside while inside I am sobbing. However I refuse to give in to the depression. My life is hard. I have been managing on food stamps and 200 dollars a months for over a year while the house is in limbo until I get power of estate. Yet I still manage to have fun exciting moments in my life. I have really good friends that keep me sane and are like a psuedo family to me.

So what do I want this blog to be about. Well I want it to be a place I can release the emotions I keep inside. I want it to be a place I can share videos, web stories, and funny pictures that keep me smiling, laughing and generally sane. I wanna share ways that I have learned to survive in the bleakest of circumstances. I wanna share low cost recipes and ideas for making food stretch. I want to be able to share fun experiences I share with my friends. I want to tell the world about the crazy fucked up things my neighbors do. This blog is the best and worst of my life. However I realize more than ever I can't bottle things inside and after 4 years of working in call centers I have developed a hatred for talking on the phone so this is my medium. Enjoy!